Play Hearts, Kid, They Work Well
Jun. 30th, 2009 06:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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quirkypeanutblu
Character/Fandom: Darker than BLACK/Hei
Prompt: 040: Kiss (from the 100 Prompts Challenge)
Word Count: 1,445
Summary: Hei talks to Azure about affection, love, friendship and other really weird emotional things. Comes sometime after this thread.
Author Notes/Warnings: Existentialism and fluff.
Contractors and romance simply didn’t mix. It was one of the rules, or it was supposed to be. Contractors had too many problems with emotions, and were too likely to betray one another at the drop of a hat, to ever build anything beyond a working relationship.
Hei wasn’t fully a Contractor—not really—but suppressing his emotions for the past eleven years had made processing them these days difficult.
Ladon had kissed him. And it was the temptation, the wild and drunken atmosphere that had taken over Cicero, and it meant nothing, and Hei himself had said to forget it, but nothing could change the fact that it had happened, or the fact that Hei was still thinking about it. It wasn’t that Hei liked Ladon in that way; at least he didn’t think he did, and it occurred to Hei that he knew as little about his emotional status right now as he ever did.
Still, it had happened, and it had left Hei confused. He needed to deal with it. Things were changing rapidly for the Constellation and the EPR; he couldn’t afford to be distracted or confused right now.
It was a warm night in Sapporo, and the day’s drizzle had finally let up, leaving the city damp and glittering. Hei was on the roof of his apartment building, leaning on the railing and watching the flickering lights from downtown Sapporo. Fox, Yin and Azure were down in the apartment; Bindy was off doing her own thing as Bindy was wont to do, and Verde was helping Hong get settled into his own apartment, a couple of blocks away.
It was quiet on the roof, and even the constant sounds of traffic and construction had been muffled by the rain. There was a fog rolling in as well; it would be thick as soup throughout the city come morning.
Hei heard the roof access door swing open. His hand dropped automatically to the handle of one of his knives.
“Huh. So this is where you were.”
He looked up at the sound of Azure’s voice, releasing the knife.
“What are you doing up here?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Could ask you the same thing. Not very logical to be hanging out up here in the cold and damp.”
He gave her a mulish look. “Have I ever struck you as the most logical of Contractors?”
She snorted. “Never.”
“Anyway, it’s not cold. It’s nice out.”
“Where I come from, this counts as cold. Whole damn city is cold. But I guess Polaris has gotta be up north, huh.”
He didn’t answer, and she came to join him by the railing, running her fingers through her blue-streaked blond hair. She folded her arms on the railing and looked out at the city.
They stood there in silence for awhile.
“Something’s eating you.”
“Mm.”
“Don’t overstress yourself, Hei. Things have been busy lately, but you gotta remember to take care of yourself.”
“I am.”
“I think Yin was really worried about you when you were in Shanghai.” Azure paused and chuckled a little. “A Doll getting worried about someone. Guess things really are changing for us.”
He was silent for awhile. Eventually he looked over at her with a curious expression.
“You and Verde as well. I’m still not sure whether I can believe that you two are in love.”
Azure traces her thumb through some of the water droplets on the railing, watching the way the water moves.
“Sometimes I can’t believe it myself,” she says. “But it’s there, and I know it’s there. I can’t deny it, nor do I want to.”
Hei stares at her. “How?”
“How what?”
“How do you know?” He looked back out at the city, his expression blank. “Love and things like that, they’re the most irrational, human emotions there could be. We’re not even supposed to be able to feel things like that. Not even friendship; not any kind of attachment. So how do you know that’s what it is? How do you know you wouldn’t abandon or betray Verde if it came down to it?”
Hei half-expected Azure to get angry at the question, but she just studied him for awhile in silence. She tilted her head a little and frowned.
“Hong been at you again? ‘Cause trust me, Hei, he’s just weird.”
“That’s not it. I was just curious.”
She sighs and brushes the water droplets off the railing so she can lean on it more heavily. She stares down at the street below, at the people still out and about with their umbrellas.
“Hei, I’m a Contractor. You say we’re changing, evolving or whatever, and maybe it’s true. Things have sure felt different in the last few years. And I know I wouldn’t have fallen in love with Verde if I had met her five years ago. But I’m still a Contractor, and you’re asking about something that even the smartest humans still haven’t managed to figure out. I’m not qualified to talk about something like love, or attachment, or friendship like you said, not so that I know what the hell I’m talking about.”
She looks upward, and Hei follows her gaze. Through a gap in the clouds the false stars are twinkling. As they watch, one of the stars falls and vanishes.
“Maybe it was stupid of us to think we could cast off relationships entirely,” Azure muses. “Sure, you get Contractors killing their parents and such without a second thought. But you get all these irrational exceptions. Me and Verde. Or just think about you and Amber. She wanted you bad, Hei, not just because of your powers. Word was that she loved you.”
He remembered the first time Amber had kissed him, years ago. He had been just as confused then as he was now.
“And you,” Azure went on. “Just look at you and Yin. And the way you talk about your old team sometimes. It’s gotta be a kind of love, right? Fact is, love is weird, and it takes about a billion different forms, so good luck trying to recognize it. And we’ve got a handicap, us Contractors.”
She sighed again and stretched her arms above her head. “It sounds like you’ve got some kind of problem going on. Only thing I can say, really…how do you know when you care about someone? It’s just instinct, I guess. Like anything else. So maybe it’s not all that different from the rest of the shit we do.”
“Maybe,” Hei said.
“Heh, you’ve got me thinking way too much now. Not befitting of a Contractor at all.” She grinned and winked at him. “So what’s the story, Hei? You in love with someone?”
“No,” Hei answered. “I don’t know. I don’t think that’s what it is. But this person likes me. I’m just not sure why.”
Azure shrugged. “Not really a why question. It just sort of is, like I said. Like instinct.”
Hei shook his head. That hadn’t really been what he’d meant. He wasn’t sure how to explain to Azure how strange it was that someone would take an interest in him at all. He had no delusions about what kind of a person he was. He didn’t know how anyone could actually like him, in any meaning of the word.
“I’m...not sure what I should do about it,” Hei admitted quietly. When had he started trusting Azure enough to admit weakness to her?
But no. It was different with her—and the whole team. Connections were forming between all of them that went beyond their mutual goals.
To his surprise, Azure clapped him on the back. “Just do as you always do and follow your instincts, fearless leader. Make the logical choice. Or don’t. See what happens. It’s the oldest dilemma in the world, Hei. No one ever knows what to do in these situations. Things just happen as they will. We might be logical beings, but the world and emotions aren’t, and they’re both gonna affect us no matter what we do.”
Hei couldn’t help a smile. For as loud and brazen as Azure could be, she always said things that made sense.
“And get laid,” she added as an afterthought, turning and heading back for the door. “Might make you a bit more tolerable.”
He snorted, glad she had turned away from him so that she couldn’t see him blush.
After a moment, he spoke.
“Azure...thanks.”
“Yeah,” she responded, and he heard the roof access door swing closed.
Hei sighed, took hold of the railing and leaned back, inclining his head to look upwards. The clouds had moved in, concealing the stars.
quirkypeanutbluCharacter/Fandom: Darker than BLACK/Hei
Prompt: 040: Kiss (from the 100 Prompts Challenge)
Word Count: 1,445
Summary: Hei talks to Azure about affection, love, friendship and other really weird emotional things. Comes sometime after this thread.
Author Notes/Warnings: Existentialism and fluff.
Contractors and romance simply didn’t mix. It was one of the rules, or it was supposed to be. Contractors had too many problems with emotions, and were too likely to betray one another at the drop of a hat, to ever build anything beyond a working relationship.
Hei wasn’t fully a Contractor—not really—but suppressing his emotions for the past eleven years had made processing them these days difficult.
Ladon had kissed him. And it was the temptation, the wild and drunken atmosphere that had taken over Cicero, and it meant nothing, and Hei himself had said to forget it, but nothing could change the fact that it had happened, or the fact that Hei was still thinking about it. It wasn’t that Hei liked Ladon in that way; at least he didn’t think he did, and it occurred to Hei that he knew as little about his emotional status right now as he ever did.
Still, it had happened, and it had left Hei confused. He needed to deal with it. Things were changing rapidly for the Constellation and the EPR; he couldn’t afford to be distracted or confused right now.
It was a warm night in Sapporo, and the day’s drizzle had finally let up, leaving the city damp and glittering. Hei was on the roof of his apartment building, leaning on the railing and watching the flickering lights from downtown Sapporo. Fox, Yin and Azure were down in the apartment; Bindy was off doing her own thing as Bindy was wont to do, and Verde was helping Hong get settled into his own apartment, a couple of blocks away.
It was quiet on the roof, and even the constant sounds of traffic and construction had been muffled by the rain. There was a fog rolling in as well; it would be thick as soup throughout the city come morning.
Hei heard the roof access door swing open. His hand dropped automatically to the handle of one of his knives.
“Huh. So this is where you were.”
He looked up at the sound of Azure’s voice, releasing the knife.
“What are you doing up here?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Could ask you the same thing. Not very logical to be hanging out up here in the cold and damp.”
He gave her a mulish look. “Have I ever struck you as the most logical of Contractors?”
She snorted. “Never.”
“Anyway, it’s not cold. It’s nice out.”
“Where I come from, this counts as cold. Whole damn city is cold. But I guess Polaris has gotta be up north, huh.”
He didn’t answer, and she came to join him by the railing, running her fingers through her blue-streaked blond hair. She folded her arms on the railing and looked out at the city.
They stood there in silence for awhile.
“Something’s eating you.”
“Mm.”
“Don’t overstress yourself, Hei. Things have been busy lately, but you gotta remember to take care of yourself.”
“I am.”
“I think Yin was really worried about you when you were in Shanghai.” Azure paused and chuckled a little. “A Doll getting worried about someone. Guess things really are changing for us.”
He was silent for awhile. Eventually he looked over at her with a curious expression.
“You and Verde as well. I’m still not sure whether I can believe that you two are in love.”
Azure traces her thumb through some of the water droplets on the railing, watching the way the water moves.
“Sometimes I can’t believe it myself,” she says. “But it’s there, and I know it’s there. I can’t deny it, nor do I want to.”
Hei stares at her. “How?”
“How what?”
“How do you know?” He looked back out at the city, his expression blank. “Love and things like that, they’re the most irrational, human emotions there could be. We’re not even supposed to be able to feel things like that. Not even friendship; not any kind of attachment. So how do you know that’s what it is? How do you know you wouldn’t abandon or betray Verde if it came down to it?”
Hei half-expected Azure to get angry at the question, but she just studied him for awhile in silence. She tilted her head a little and frowned.
“Hong been at you again? ‘Cause trust me, Hei, he’s just weird.”
“That’s not it. I was just curious.”
She sighs and brushes the water droplets off the railing so she can lean on it more heavily. She stares down at the street below, at the people still out and about with their umbrellas.
“Hei, I’m a Contractor. You say we’re changing, evolving or whatever, and maybe it’s true. Things have sure felt different in the last few years. And I know I wouldn’t have fallen in love with Verde if I had met her five years ago. But I’m still a Contractor, and you’re asking about something that even the smartest humans still haven’t managed to figure out. I’m not qualified to talk about something like love, or attachment, or friendship like you said, not so that I know what the hell I’m talking about.”
She looks upward, and Hei follows her gaze. Through a gap in the clouds the false stars are twinkling. As they watch, one of the stars falls and vanishes.
“Maybe it was stupid of us to think we could cast off relationships entirely,” Azure muses. “Sure, you get Contractors killing their parents and such without a second thought. But you get all these irrational exceptions. Me and Verde. Or just think about you and Amber. She wanted you bad, Hei, not just because of your powers. Word was that she loved you.”
He remembered the first time Amber had kissed him, years ago. He had been just as confused then as he was now.
“And you,” Azure went on. “Just look at you and Yin. And the way you talk about your old team sometimes. It’s gotta be a kind of love, right? Fact is, love is weird, and it takes about a billion different forms, so good luck trying to recognize it. And we’ve got a handicap, us Contractors.”
She sighed again and stretched her arms above her head. “It sounds like you’ve got some kind of problem going on. Only thing I can say, really…how do you know when you care about someone? It’s just instinct, I guess. Like anything else. So maybe it’s not all that different from the rest of the shit we do.”
“Maybe,” Hei said.
“Heh, you’ve got me thinking way too much now. Not befitting of a Contractor at all.” She grinned and winked at him. “So what’s the story, Hei? You in love with someone?”
“No,” Hei answered. “I don’t know. I don’t think that’s what it is. But this person likes me. I’m just not sure why.”
Azure shrugged. “Not really a why question. It just sort of is, like I said. Like instinct.”
Hei shook his head. That hadn’t really been what he’d meant. He wasn’t sure how to explain to Azure how strange it was that someone would take an interest in him at all. He had no delusions about what kind of a person he was. He didn’t know how anyone could actually like him, in any meaning of the word.
“I’m...not sure what I should do about it,” Hei admitted quietly. When had he started trusting Azure enough to admit weakness to her?
But no. It was different with her—and the whole team. Connections were forming between all of them that went beyond their mutual goals.
To his surprise, Azure clapped him on the back. “Just do as you always do and follow your instincts, fearless leader. Make the logical choice. Or don’t. See what happens. It’s the oldest dilemma in the world, Hei. No one ever knows what to do in these situations. Things just happen as they will. We might be logical beings, but the world and emotions aren’t, and they’re both gonna affect us no matter what we do.”
Hei couldn’t help a smile. For as loud and brazen as Azure could be, she always said things that made sense.
“And get laid,” she added as an afterthought, turning and heading back for the door. “Might make you a bit more tolerable.”
He snorted, glad she had turned away from him so that she couldn’t see him blush.
After a moment, he spoke.
“Azure...thanks.”
“Yeah,” she responded, and he heard the roof access door swing closed.
Hei sighed, took hold of the railing and leaned back, inclining his head to look upwards. The clouds had moved in, concealing the stars.
